4 H’s for Men

4 H’s for Men

One of the general challenges with men’s discipleship is that most men (including me and likely you) are reluctant to let anyone really know what’s going. We wear masks and armor.

We grit our teeth through pain, smile even when things aren’t well and often get angry because it feels like the only masculine way to express emotion.

But, regardless of how we present, every man has a deep desire to know and be known.

So, here’s a simple tool that I use often to dig into men. Four simple questions that I learned from Phil Downer of DNA Ministries.

  1. What’s heavy?
  2. What’s hard?
  3. What hurts?
  4. How can I help?

Heavy. Hard. Hurt. Help. Simple.

I find that if I’m willing to listen, most men are willing to talk when I ask these questions. They may start out with surface answers. But, eventually men become truth tellers when you persist patiently.

Now, why is this important? We are all shaped not only by genetics but also by experiences and environment. Every man has a story about his past. Good or Bad. Likely, good AND bad. Past events have much bearing on present and future. So, if you ask a man, What’s heavy? He’ll likely begin to tell you part of his story.  And you know what… you could help him carry that burden. Better yet, help him off load it to Jesus. You get the picture.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your sols. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30