The Noble Man Walks with Sexual Integrity

 

 

 

 

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Other:

Personal Prayer, accountability partner

Divine Defense by Dr. Robert Jeffress

Weekly mens accountable meeting outside local church

Prayer

Disciplines Of A Godly Man by R. Kent Hughes

Covenant Eyes

Covenant Eyes accountability

David by Chuck Swindoll

Prayer

Robert Lewis Original Manhood Series.

Noble Warriors

Train yourself to be Godly: a 40 day journey toward sexual wholeness by Clifton

Accountability partner

Directed prayer; Praying the scriptures.

having other men holding me accountable

Stepping up (family life)

Holy Spirit conviction and help

Wild at Heart by John Eldredge

Life experience

Nathan Project FMO Groups and teachings

My community

AlAnon

Maximized manhood. Edwin Louis Cole

Unwanted by Jay Stringer

1-on-1 Accountability

Covenant eyes

personal accountability partner AND men’s small group

Fathered by God

Mortification of Sin by John Owen

Accountability Partner

A resilient life by Gordon Macdonald

My “wise guys” men’s group

The Holy Scriptures, constant communication with my Abba Father as well as an accountability group of godly men. I have found that sins of omission comes before sins on commission.

Bear Clifton is the author

Men’s small group

Directed prayer; Praying the scriptures.

The Proven Men Daily workbook is a good tool to help you draw closer to God for a heart changing experience.

By the grace of a God, I avoided many traps of sexual sin. However, I have witnessed many friends, relatives, coworkers, and others pay too high a price for it. At some point in time it is like a thirsty man paying $10,000 for his favorite drink when a glass of pure, clean and cool water is offered for free. I shutter to think how easily I could have ruined my life with one action that I avoided countless times. Only the hand of the Lord on my shoulder can explain.

More than sexual purity it focuses on purity of heart in general. A great overall study but you must be prepared to be honest with yourself.

My biggest resources has been my relationships within my church. My community group and a few men at my church that I trust have been a safe space for me to confess and receive encouragement as I struggle and strive to follow Christ in regards to this area of my life.

Opening up my conversation in last couple decades with men and women- including my wife- from small groups to one on one- and my 12 step sponsor.

Most books and resources are overly focused on behavior modification and not the root causes of unwanted sexual behavior that help us understand and believe the gospel better. Unwanted is a book/approach that focuses on heart issues, dealing with pain from your past and a pathway to wholeness in Christ.

Also “Setting Captives Free: The Way of Purity” by Mike Cleveland

We are currently going thru 33 the series volume 3
I have read Proven Men
I am also reading some material from John Eldridge right now Fathered by God

YES 63%   NO 37%

Given my past challenges with pornography, I knew I had to be honest with my wife prior to our marriage. I did to honor her with honesty, but also to have accountability and prayer from her.

Yes. We’ve been married for over 20 years and have discussed this issue many times.

Yes, I disclosed in a general way prior to going away for treatment. A full disclosure was done in treatment to give my wife the information she needed in order to make an informed decision as to whether or not she wanted to stay married to me. The good news is she saw the change that was taking place within me and chose to stay married to me.

I think she has suspicions but doesn’t say anything.

Good timing! God delivered me from porn over a year ago I had never revealed my struggle to my wife until Sunday 9/13/20. It was through many tears I finally confessed to her after watching a sermon together that morning from Grant Ethridge at liberty live in Hampton. My confession was met with pure grace even after I told her I had struggled for years. She said she noticed a change in me over the last month. Remarkably, that’s about how long I have been praying and reading God’s Word.

That yes comes with a qualifier. I don’t tell her everything because she would freak out. I do not have the moral innocence she has so i keep it very general.

Both of my wives knew/know and it helps me resist temptation. The battle isn’t as fierce as it once was. It’s like confessing sin before the Lord, the Holy Spirit steps in to do His sanctifying work.

P.S. Secret or unconfessed sin is unforgiven sin.

At my age there is no battle for sexual integrity going on. Just glad to be here.

She knows the struggle exists, but is not burdened by the gross details of it. There is a fine line between revealing a struggle in this area with our wives, and creating undue insecurity and anxiety by getting too specific. Perhaps the location of this line varies from marriage to marriage, while exercising discretion and wisdom.

I think she knows it is a battle, but not how hard the battle is some times.

It’s been incredibly helpful, especially when choosing TV shows to be on the same page on what I need to avoid.

Although she is aware of safeguards I have in place.

I freely discuss with my wife about the availability and in your face internet porn because we have three sons and three grandsons. It is interesting that decades ago I could not get her motivated until I sat down and showed her what was there and how easy and free access there was. She was very motivated then to do our best to guard our sons. Tony Blair when he was PM of the UK had a great suggestion. Instead of free access, block all Porn unless you request access and go on public record!

But lacks understanding (or does not want to know) of how it impacts me physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Maybe you should define sexual integrity

Personal battle

Yes. We have discussed porn usage. She is aware that sex and lust is a struggle that I deal with.

My wife is everything I want sexually, but sometimes she doesn’t understand how well certain things she does pleases me.

I’ve been upfront with my wife with my struggles and when I fall into temptation. I told my pastor I tell her everything and he didn’t like that. Saying she would second guess me all the time. Well that’s not the case. I once lied to her about telling my dad that I got a speeding ticket. When I confessed I didn’t tell him she broke up with me saying if I could lie about that what else could I lie about. When I started to have feelings for a co worker I told her and stopped it.

I wish my wife cared honestly

There is no imminent battle but there is always an ongoing tussle with the enemy of my soul to misguide my thoughts. Purity and integrity toward my wife is paramount in my sacred union with my life-long, God-given, partner and help-meet. I have found a “GOOD THING!”

No battle for sexual integrity exists.

We talk about my needs vs her needs and how I have different needs then her around sex.

Thankfully

Very supportive!

She is aware of past sexual sin but is not fully aware of the ongoing struggle.

She helps me put certain restrictions in place as needed in our home (i.e. hide tablets, only on computer when she is in the room, change password for access to screen as needed). While she is aware of it, since it is a painful subject for her, she tends to avoid checking on me or how I am doing. I try to check in with her from time to time to let her know where I am, and how things are going.

She struggles understanding it though

She was/is my accountability partner:

  1. in past when I became aware on the challenges of dealing with such temptation in the past.
  2. is now, as a prayer partner and as part of the solution that keeps me accountable and focused on a life in Christ. Because of this the challenge is easy to deal with now = thank you Jesus!

We are engaged, but she knows, as I also lead a Men’s group around this

She knows of my struggles, but I choose to discuss them with an accountability person. She is in menopause and sometimes it is difficult for her to discuss and hear about it. But she is always in prayer for me and my struggles.

It’s not a subject you casually talk about with your wife. Hey hun, I just saw a really beautiful woman at the grocery store, please pray for me! I think we as men are better encouraged by talking with other men about our struggles.

Every man with a pulse is dealing with sexual integrity at some level. Most won’t admit it to themselves and won’t talk to anyone about it due to shame.

We have an agreement of how, what and when I share. When tempted or the battle escalates and I need help from brothers I do that as part of our plan. If I intentionally look for and use porn I talk with my brothers but I also share with her. We are in agreement as to what the consequence is to my looking or acting out. We do not wonder what we should do. We have an action plan. This eliminates a level of argument and fear of discovery and disclosure. It works better than hoping it works out.

Yes. And being raised in a house with no brothers then raising sons, she was a bit shocked by how guys struggle with sexual temptation. This has prompted some great conversations.

We’ve discussed the fact that men are very visually stimulated.

I let her know about my struggles and how I may fall or come close to falling. I think transparency is important in the relationship. She appreciates my honesty and it breeds more intimacy.

Even at the age of 73 it is a struggle but have it under control. Wife understands.

But only generally. Specific issues are reserved for my ‘inner circle’ of brothers.

My wife is my accountability partner.

Because there is no battle

I am single. However, I would love for you guys to do a podcast series on how a man finds and pursues a woman for marriage. Also, a podcast explaining how a man knows he is ready for marriage. Thanks!

My wife is wise in many ways and in this area she understands that the battle for sexual integrity is real and she is willing to talk about it and hold me accountable. I appreciate this tremendously – that she understands it is a real struggle and that she is a God-given partner to help me in the struggle.

Years ago I went through “ Every Mans Battle.” This book taught me and my wife about the sexual struggles of a man.

I am very open with my wife. After an event put on by Noble Warriors many years ago, I chose to give all of me to my wife and it has brought us even closer.

Romans 12:1-2

John 3:16

my paraphrase: Some men’s sins are apparent in this life for all to see, and some men’s sins are hidden in this life but will be revealed when they stand before God.

2 Peter 19: “They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity – for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him”.

Phil. 4:13

Hebrews 13:4

Romans 12:1-2

Matthew 5:28

Matthew 5:28

2 chron 16:9

Proverbs 3:16 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Genesis 4:7

Proverbs 4:23

2 Corinthians 10:5

Romans 13:14

Ephesians 5:3

1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 has been the most impactful and memorable verses for me when I wrestle with sexual integrity.

Proverbs 5 and 6

Philippians 4:8

New American Standard Bible

8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is [a]lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, [b]dwell on these things.

2 Corinthians 5:9

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

I friend who I have invited to get into my business whenever he feels the need, and I into his business. We have a list of questions we can use. The last question is “Have you been completely truthful in these answers?”.

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation[a] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted[b] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,[c] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Romans 7:24-8:6

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Genesis 2:24 and Matthew 19:6. God’s intent is not ambiguous or unclear. Fidelity is not a nice to have but a must and the only alternative lifestyle is singleness.

Psalm 119:9-11 I continue to struggle here and do not believe it will ever go away.

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God, who loves me and gave himself for me.

YES 73%

NO 27%

Shared with pastor, friends who were believers. I was molested at 7 or 8 by an older(12) cousin. Saw magazine of my older cousin. Molested again from about 12-16. Purchase a gay mag through the mail around 18 or 19.

Went back to in my 20’s porno online. Struggle with sex, adultery Thank God I got free. Challenged within in the context of church when sex is associated with jokes especially homosexuality. process of identifying with Christ support of my wife/brothers who didn’t judge.

Not totally but substantially

I am not ashamed to share as men need to hear they are not alone in their quest…

First shared it in a purity group across town. Then I shared it in a men’s prayer meeting at MY church. That sharing led to a connection to a man who also was committed to purity. We started the purity group at our church and 14 years later its still going strong. God orchestrated the whole thing.

Guarded.

in this world now there is so much that is not pure, even people who claim Jesus but still live in this corrupt world, it is a struggle daily

I share it on a monthly basis one on one and with groups.

It is something to consider doing more than once. First to make sure you have an accountability brother to keep you on your promises. Second, to give testimony at men’s events to help others gain courage to get help, seek Christ and find the path.

A close friend and mentor

In my church’s men’s small group.

Men’s group. Close friends.

With a close friend and in a small group.

With my small group.

With a counselor and with a brother with similar struggles.

I started a men’s group at church called F.I.G.H.T. Club. It stands for Fighting Immorality with God’s Heavenly Truths. I have since relocated and changed churches, but I still participate remotely in the group as a member.

My Wife, My Battle Buddies, Covenant Eye’s is a Great Tool

In men’s group

Being open and real is always best!

When I was 8 years old I found a discarded Playboy magazine.

playboy and hustler mag’s in house where I was baby sitting in TV room = not a good thing for any household.

Very minimally (a one-time event) via a book evidently known by neighborhood kids in a clump of trees where we rode BMX bikes.

not until as a married pastor did we get the internet. It certainly had some bad things pop up when searching for some information.

My story is at https://youtu.be/BFUWuJrD6Q8

Buddy’s dad’s stash of Playboy’s, Penthouse and some x rated movies.

Not exactly sure, but the sin habit began freshman year of high school

Racy magazines at subway train station.

Introduced to porn by my cousin while we were working on his grandad’s tobacco farm through “detective magazines.” Those magazines had some every risque stories.

Playboy by my father who was down playing it in a teaching moment be thought… Which I think worked for me…

My older sister found one of my mother’s pornographic tapes and showed it to me, when I was 5. This is how I learned what sex is.

My first apartment after college and I discovered boxes of PB magazines left by the landlord. I was far from home (TX to NY) and alone.

Magazines found by accident in a recycle barn

My mom was a baker and would make special order playboy centerfold cakes. My parents always had several playboy or penthouse mags around in an end table or in a magazine rack. I was not prohibited from looking at them.

Discovering magazines in the house belonging to my uncle and my dad.

Found magazines out in woods and was very attracted to it. Kept coming back to see it.

Found a magazine lying in the street on my way to a kids group meeting after school.

Neighbor showed me his playboy when I was 9, and was hooked for life. Now been sober for about 6 years – it’s a powerful and demoralizing addiction

Penthouse magazine laying around the house. Have struggled with pornography on and off every since. A constant battle

Jr. High, guys on the school bus had playing cards with pictures of naked women on them. About that same time, I found a Playboy in my older brother’s desk.

My uncle had hidden a pornographic magazine in his bedroom closet. He was only ten years older than me, so he still lived with my grandparents at the time. I happened across it one day while I was over at their house.

Someone threw a magazine out by our mailbox.

Dad was given a playboy magazine for his 40th Birthday party. He hid it in the basement trashcan where I found it throwing some things out.

My uncle, a contractor, had pictures of women hung up in the storage cabinets of his garage.

Playboy back in the day

Sadly, it was from a pastor’s son. He was giving out free magazines (pre-internet) to guys in middle school, and then selling them after that… like a drug dealer. It began a long stretch of distrust in the church.

Magazines in friends dads houses.

magazine photos

please be cautious as to how you handle the answers to this question. For men over the age let’s say of 45 exposure might mean actually seeing something with the intent of looking. To a 16 year old in today’ internet/TV world he has been exposed without fail by 10 if he breathes. Computer error, commercials..

saw a Playboy magazine

Magazine buried in backyard. Neighborhood “friend”

Saw some girlie magazines

I read Playboy magazines in the gun shop with Air National Guard. I read the journalism, and peaked at the pictures.

It was like a drug to me. I couldn’t believe that such a thing existed, and I wanted more.

Older brothers had magazines hidden between the bed mattresses that I inadvertently discovered at a very young age.

A guy at school had dirty pictures he kept in his wallet. He showed me at lunch time.

Dads nasty magazines

Thank the Lord for a faithful father who prepared me to “don’t try to fight it, RUN!”

My dad wisely told me that when I came in contact with porn to run away and never look back. He then proceeded to tell me about men in our family who’s lives were destroyed by sexual sin. Needless to say, I am blessed to have had the dad I did and thus have been able to tell my wife that there are no sexually impure skeletons in my proverbial closet. Praise God! I couldn’t have done it alone.

Brother came home from college… first computer in the house. Discovered it on his computer playing other games.

It ruined my life and set me up for decades of struggle, guilt, and addiction.

My parents had the Playboy channel when I was a kid in the 80’s. The shows wouldn’t start until 7pm and my parents would kick us out at about 6:30 or right after dinner so that they could watch it. Unfortunately, the way the house was set up, we could see the tv from my sisters bedroom window, so she would leave her curtains open and they all the neighborhood kids would come over and we would watch it.

My cousin had some magazines in his room

My dad’s office had pictures of naked girls on desks and calendars. we, as a family, were taken there to make some extra money by cleaning and organizing. My 9-year-old sister made light of the pics. I was amazed.

Found playboy and hustler under the bed in the spare bedroom at my aunt and uncles house. A couple big boxes of them. This was back in the early seventies .

Boy scouts would overnight at military base.

Covenant Eyes and ‘Wise Guys’ group.

Wife knows all passwords and is welcome in all my accounts and to use my phone or laptop at any time

My wife has all the passwords and I have incredibly limited access

Hard thing to do

At the moment i do not have any software on my phone, tablet or laptop. After being saved over 11 years ago and making lifestyle changes as i quickly grew spiritually, i rely on my faith and understanding of what God requires. Whenever i feel any slip or pending attach i turn back to God in prayer and discipline.

Don’t look. Also after 60 years old….

I have used Covenant Eyes for over 15 years. I also have 3 men who hold me accountable weekly.

we have all of each others passwords and sometimes sit and do online things together including looking at history to see if there is anything we need to revisit or unsubscribe to …..try not to have ANY secrets when it comes to accountability.

If soft porn/crazy pics show up I immediately try to think about the scars I have from the past and the desire not to add to them. That accompanied by the  thought that Jesus is better helps a lot!

Use Christianihomepage only with no ads. Open door policy when online.

Use covenant eyes on the computer which is also in an area my wife can see.  Also in community with other men where we can share struggles.

Pray before I go on line. When I know the site is bad don’t go.if i arrive at a sit that is bad turn away from it and leave. flag the sites as bad and tell others.

I have a filter, Picture of my family on the computer and phone, I don’t use anyone else’s devices

work has a scene in place and I let anyone check my history

Grab my bible or something devotional like.

This fits into my online “security” strategy – I quickly review superficial data in emails (the “tells”) and web site come-on’s to assess the risks of opening the email or web link. In my world, I assume that anything with sexual connotations in the subject lines, photos, or captions is likely to be unhealthily stimulating at best and ponographic at worst, and perhaps even dangerous to my computer’s security. Therefore, I don’t click on those — I leave the page or delete the email.

How about a system were internet access was defaulted to No access instead of free access. An individual must request access and go on public record that access to porn has been requested, verified and granted. I am willing to bet there would be dramatic decrease. However, this is not want people want

Covenant Eyes

Covenant Eyes

have a brother look at what you browse and be held accountable,

What would Jesus do?

My wife has complete access to my computer and phone with all passwords.

I have Covenant Eyes and/or Ever Accountable on all my devices. I am active in a Pure Desire group. I have developed an Escape Plan and a Recovery Action Plan.

Have a an accountability partner to check on you; daily if needed. Just click away when porn teasers come on a screen. Pray for the women in the porn teasers and ask that they come to know Christ. You cannot want to see a woman naked when you are praying for her.

I am not tempted in this area.

Holy Spirit of GOD & my computer is in my bedroom and my wife also shares it!

I avoid any pop-ups that appear potentially attractive or provocative.  Also I don’t visit websites that I shouldn’t be visiting!

My wife has access to all my phone and computers and is encouraged to review my texts, emails, and internet history.

The Holy Spirit. You don’t play in the dirt without getting it on you. You develop a taste for evil, unhealthy things. Porn is like the most addictive drug, much more powerful than tobacco, and alcohol. It will destroy the intimate relationship with a spouse or one you hope to have. It’s not worth the grief in will cause you, and the loss of relationship with Jesus. Run from it!

Men who have my permission to ask at any time.

Practical advice to myself. Be accountable to someone trustworthy. Isolation in our modern culture is just not enough to protect myself from online temptation. There is a direct correlation between how much time I spend reading my bible, and my ability and willingness to resist temptation.  Scripture reading and meditation on the Word of God is the only effective way to Let the Word of God dwell in you richly. My purity is dependent on this personal devotion. Truth is a value.

Repentence (mentinoa) – having a change of mind in what sin is and who God is.

Somewhat of a system. As things pop-up, delete the ads, and or emails immediately. Some ads and such you can stop showing up, by marking them.

I am part of a men’s group where we have accountability partners

But I do not look at any sites that start off with a picture of a female regardless of what it says.

I do have an internet filter for objectionable links that won’t load the site unless the filter is overridden

We use covenant eyes

Stay in the word. Read the word, meditation on the word and live the word.

Use Covenant Eyes software with a partner

I do have an accountability partner and have him to notify if I am drawn in

I have an accountability partner I contact if drawn in

My wife has access to my phone and computer as well as access to my email but that isn’t really a good strategy. Our pastor has a better one. Everyone in his household has parental controls on their devices so his wife can monitor his activities.

I trust in Jesus

I feel I don’t need one as I hate pornography of any kind…

I know great things about Covenant Eyes but due to circumstances and workplace policies, it doesn’t work for me. I have relational accountability with a handful of friends, varying levels of frequency and depth of conversation, with my wife, and have learned a lot and developed a strategy with my church’s Biblical Counselor. For me, online prevention is a way to prevent external acts of sin. So my wife and I have developed lots of logistics on how/when I use the computer at home.

Covenant Eyes is AWESOME! (Also a DNS which does not allow filth to come through) Lastly – Disney Circle at times.

Covenant Eyes – pluses – it is easy to squire and use. ONE caveat – without strong diligent partners seeing and giving a serious review of a report it is rendered unreliable and in some cases useless. after review if doubt is there make the call to the person you hold accountable. that is the only way CE is truly online accountability.

Still doing face to face

Filter on the search engine.

Stay in the word of God-the Bible. I believe God has the best plan for our sexuality and has our best interests in mind. I stay away from any questionable online activity, and avoid any “I’m curious” roaming. I don’t click on links I’m not familiar with- I don’t take the “click bait.” I immediately reject friend requests in Facebook from women I don’t know, and who has no common friends.

Ever Accountable and my group of guys in Samson who keep me accountable. Stay off computer when I’m alone. Call a friend if I’m going to be home alone.

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